eighteen years of age

Today is my eighteenth birthday. I've made it. I'm an adult, and yet, I still feel so much like a child. I want to frolic in parks, make excuses and get away with them. I want to be young and hopeful and regret nothing forever, and ever, and ever. Until this day, I've lived pretty carefully--- honest, I have. And now I have this uncontrollable urge to lash out and do something rash and vulgar, shocking! Well, I don't really. But if I did, and just so happened to get caught, I would have to suffer the consequences as an adult. And it wouldn't be fair, not at the least. I'm an older more experienced child that wants to venture the world and explore every wonder this majical universe has to offer. I want to travel and get fucked up in foreign countries hearing foreign languanes and accents and spend time with foreign strangers waiting to see what I offer in the form of amusement and friendship, and insight. I want to do so much with my lufe and I haven't the slightest hint of where to start or what to do! What shall I do? Just say "FUCK IT", leave to New York City and get discovered by some wondrous miracle man? How long will that take? Will it ever happen? What if it's just a cruel movie reel on repeat that's playing over and over again in my cluttered, hostile mind? I don't belong here. I need culture. I need inspiration. I need to let go of everything I hold close and dear, keep it in my heart, and know that everything I need is, and always will be there when I need comfort. I quench knowlege and art and I know that somewhere in the near future, I will be in the perfect place that will satisfy this ohh-so-desirable craving.

loverface,

Saturday was magnificent! Of Montreal was brilliant. I was so happy. I am so happy. Two days later, and I'm still in the same euphoric state I was in when I was there. I was one with myself and everyone there.

IT WAS AND ORGY OF SOUND AND COLOUR
and it was splendid.

My eyes were closed, my arms were dancing in the air above me, the moisture of clinging bodies was gathering up all around me. It was so beautiful, so entrancing. Kevin Barnes was casting a spell on his audience an if he were the Jean-Baptiste Grenouille of melody- and charm- and poetry. The costumes were fantastic, the lights, the whole experience left me vulnerable and thirsty for more. I wanted him to quench my derived body. I wanted so badly to go on forever. Until I could no longer dream and dance--- and he could no longer be an immaculate god of music and art. All of his pure, concentrated, diving glory left me in awe. I wanted so much for him to show me. Show me how it's possible for a single being to create such illuminating majic. I know that it was majic. It had to be. And now I feel shiny, new, changed. Thank-you Sorcerer Kevin Barnes. You will never know how grateful I am to have seen you.
Until we meet again,
adieu.

Agyness Deyn<3

Her name is Agyness Deyn and she's so pristine.

I bought her on Monday.

Isn't she just lush??