sleepy eyes.

Life for me lately, has been far less than decent. I don't eat, I don't sleep, and if I do sleep, I sleep too much. To be honest, I just get so bored to death being home all the time. I don't think I have any real friends, except for one or two people with whom I speak to on a generally daily basis. At least I have something to get me past time, right? Well, since my last entry, I found two baby opossums, they were beautiful, and I loved them to bits, but I did the right thing and called the wildlife center, I figured they would take far better care of them, although I'm not sure they'd be capable of giving them enough love.

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some of my ramblings:

I find myself daydreaming, wishing I was someone and somewhere else.
Exploring and embracing all of the oddities and bizarre gifts of perfection we know nothing about.
I want to meet people; talents all their own that the were--- graced with, not anything one can learn.
Marvels of the world.
Marvels in my eyes.
Creatures and Freaks in others.
People: unappreciated and marvelous.
I want to be in a fantasy, I want to be some other time, some other place.
Lives don't mingle like entwined fingers, interlacing so graciously and provoking every raw emotion to burst out into it's true colour right before our very eyes.
Forever.
Forever.
Forever..... until the day I die , my dreams, and hopes, and made-up memories will overpower any experience that I've had here.
Reality isn't at all real if you don't want it to be.
Worlds far more greater than this can be unveiled in one's mind.
Worlds full of Marvels and Talent and People and Places I wish i knew so dearly.
It's just a thought.
I tend to dream a lot.

eighteen years of age

Today is my eighteenth birthday. I've made it. I'm an adult, and yet, I still feel so much like a child. I want to frolic in parks, make excuses and get away with them. I want to be young and hopeful and regret nothing forever, and ever, and ever. Until this day, I've lived pretty carefully--- honest, I have. And now I have this uncontrollable urge to lash out and do something rash and vulgar, shocking! Well, I don't really. But if I did, and just so happened to get caught, I would have to suffer the consequences as an adult. And it wouldn't be fair, not at the least. I'm an older more experienced child that wants to venture the world and explore every wonder this majical universe has to offer. I want to travel and get fucked up in foreign countries hearing foreign languanes and accents and spend time with foreign strangers waiting to see what I offer in the form of amusement and friendship, and insight. I want to do so much with my lufe and I haven't the slightest hint of where to start or what to do! What shall I do? Just say "FUCK IT", leave to New York City and get discovered by some wondrous miracle man? How long will that take? Will it ever happen? What if it's just a cruel movie reel on repeat that's playing over and over again in my cluttered, hostile mind? I don't belong here. I need culture. I need inspiration. I need to let go of everything I hold close and dear, keep it in my heart, and know that everything I need is, and always will be there when I need comfort. I quench knowlege and art and I know that somewhere in the near future, I will be in the perfect place that will satisfy this ohh-so-desirable craving.